Life

Well …

I’m still having a pretty hard time about my grandmother. The first two days after her death, I was inconsolable. It’s been a week and I still can’t seem to pull myself out of this funk but at least I’ve stopped crying. I haven’t been up for writing or blogging. I haven’t done much outside of work. My friends have been great. A couple of them have gotten me to go out and socialize.
She was such a huge part of my life. She absolutely loved being a grandparent. She loved me and my brother so much. She worked as a rad tech for over 30 years and retired as soon as I was born. She devoted her time to helping others through volunteerism, especially literacy. She taught adult literacy as far back as I can remember, so pretty much over 30 years. She taught me to read when I was three, and she is the main reason why I am still such a huge bookworm today.
I just have to keep reminding myself that she’s no longer suffering and she’s finally at peace.

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5 thoughts on “Well …

  1. Mia, it took me four or five YEARS before I finally had a really good, soul-cleansing cry over my grandfather’s death and STARTED to heal. You think you’re struggling with grief after a week? Be gentle on yourself. It takes as much time as it takes, and you don’t just get over a lifetime of love and a sudden loss in a WEEK. The love is still there, but dammit – that urge to pick up the phone and call, to share a thing that happened or to have a good cry (only you realize you can’t, and that’s WHY you’re crying) – that doesn’t just miraculously go away. Slowly, it fades. Slowly, you remember that you can’t just pick up that phone, or go over and get a hug. And slowly, that’s something you can live with and remember that it only hurts BECAUSE it was so good.

    But a WEEK? Kiddo, I’d worry way more about you if you weren’t having a bit of a hard time with it, still. If you crawled under the couch and couldn’t drag butt to work, I’d say “See a therapist, STAT.” But randomly weepy? Totally normal.

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  2. Another thing. Reread this post. She’s IN you – she’s a PART of you, Mia. When you’re missing her, look inside and smile and honor that part of you that IS her. Go buy yourselves a nice book. Volunteer and help others, and acknowledge her inspiration. That’s the sort of self-help that works miracles in grief. Let her influences SHINE and LIVE.

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    • Thank you, Holly.
      I still haven’t brought myself to delete her contact from my cell phone. It’s the weirdest thing but I can’t do it.
      But I have been reading plenty of books. 🙂 And I have looked into some volunteer positions in adult literacy in the area.

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      • And you are talking to someone who can’t delete deceased friends from Facebook. I now have at least three of them. Birthday reminders are hard, but I can’t bring myself to unfriend them. And in talking with others, we’re definitely not alone. Don’t delete her contact info. You don’t NEED to do that, unless it hurts to see it there and remember you can’t call her. And I’m glad to hear you’re already looking into volunteer programs in adult literacy.

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