Anecdotes, Life

(My Take On) 31 Ways Not to Use Your Blog

So this post is brought to you today by Holly and her post 31 Ways Not to Use Your Blog #FridayReflections

I realize it’s kind of funny to have a post like this when I do such a poor job of keeping up with my blog but this made me laugh, and I love Holly.

So here we go:

31) Spread office gossip. Really – don’t we all get enough of this at the water cooler?
I actually agree with this one. I don’t like to spread gossip. I’ll post funny anecdotes about coworkers (or myself) in a heartbeat but it’s not cool to put someone’s dirty laundry out there. I’m also a good listener and pretty damn good at keeping secrets.

30) Talk about your sex life (unless it’s so interesting it brings out the voyeur in your uptight, grandmotherly church secretary).
Oh come on. Real talk, I’ve read my fair share of Letters to Penthouse. I love reading a good, steamy, wild sexscapade as much as the next person. I’m just not going to post anything about myself. But fellow bloggers, feel free to let your freak flag fly!

29) Discuss bodily functions and fluids – particularly their odor, color, texture, and frequency.
I had food poisoning that lasted for a week once. I gave all the details to anyone who would listen (and even those who wouldn’t). People needed to know of my suffering!

28) Call your ex a “whore,” a “slut,” a “tool,” a “jerk-off,” a “@#$%” – oh, you fill in the blank.
Pfft, if the shoe fits …

27) Keep a daily journal of your food intake, household cleaning chores, and other mundane items on your to-do list.
Agreed. Lame!
I mean, yeah I’m going to be doing some cooking and cleaning this weekend but that’s only because I don’t have time during the week. I have about two loads of laundry, then I’m going to try some new recipes …

26) Post quotes from Uncle Al or Aunt Mildred.
My aunts and uncles don’t say anything worth repeating.

25) Post a list of your enemies.
No need. They know who they are. It’s been said that living well or success is the best revenge. To quote Mindy Kaling, “The best revenge is acid in the face. Who will love them now?”

24) Post pictures of the dust bunnies under your bed.
What the hell? That’s not a thing. Right?

23) Describe a recent sexual adventure.
See #30.

22) Compliment your dog.
My dog is awesome. Not only will I compliment my dog, I will post pictures. Many pictures! You WILL like them.

21) Compliment your cat.
Cats are the worst.

20) List 100 things you don’t want anybody to know about you.
I don’t need y’all up in my business.

19) Post your Top 10 Laws I Want to Break Before I Die, then work your way through the list.
I would never! It would be more like “Top 10 Laws I’ve Broken”

18) Insult your cat.
See #21

17) Post Webcam photos of yourself hunched over the computer at night.
Yeah I don’t do the webcam thing. Too many creepers on the interweb.

16) Review the manual that came with your computer or the training video from flight school.
What? Again, this can’t be a thing that people actually do.

15) Describe a class you dropped, and the dead-end job you were not hired for.
That class was boring and hard. AND I WAS VERY QUALIFIED FOR THAT JOB! THEY MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.

14) Describe your snoring.
It’s bad. Have you ever snored so hard that you woke yourself up? That’s me. But it’s all good now. I have a CPAP machine.

13) Rate a public bathroom.
They’re all gross.

12) Excuse away your daily failures.
It’s everyone’s fault but mine!

11) Offer tips on topics you know absolutely nothing about.
Now I don’t actually have any kids, but here are some helpful tips on parenting …

10) Document the growth rate of grass on the front lawn by the number of beers consumed while watching it grow.
Yeah I’m not that kind of southerner.

9) Create a Christmas card letter.
Who still sends Christmas cards?

8) Share a poem of yours.
What? What’s the purpose of having a blog if you can’t express yourself through your writing. I post a prose every now and then. It’s therapeutic.

7) Tell heartwarming pest stories.
That doesn’t make sense.

6) Describe a top-secret project you’re working on.
I’m building a time machine.

5) Post a daily report of your diet failures and lack of progress.
Whenever I have a rough day, I turn to food.

4) You spent how much on soy lattes last month?
What a pretentious drink. They’re bad and if you buy them, you should feel bad.

3) Post a list of songs on your iPod.
But I have such great playlists! Really, my playlists include a wide variety of genres. Name an artist!

2) Photos of your shoes.
I am so not that woman.

1) Rant about politicians.

FUCK TRUMP.

This was fun.

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6 thoughts on “(My Take On) 31 Ways Not to Use Your Blog

  1. So, I get this update from you, only it’s deleted – but okay. Whatever. I hear you. And I should probably deactivate mine, too, only it’s a little like – you know there’s this cobra in the room. If you look away, he’ll slither behind the sofa. Can you enjoy TV in peace, believing there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll just curl up and nap back there? Or does knowing there’s a cobra – somewhere – in the room, make you MORE nervous than keeping an eye on it? You know what I mean?

    Like

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